Toddler Hitting Parents
The short answer
Being hit by your toddler is one of the most upsetting experiences in parenting, but it is also one of the most common and normal behaviors between 12 and 36 months. Toddlers hit the people they feel safest with - usually their parents - because they feel secure enough to express their biggest, most overwhelming emotions. They are not being "bad" or intentionally hurtful. They are showing you that their feelings are too big for their small bodies and limited vocabulary to handle. This behavior improves with consistent, calm responses as language and emotional regulation develop.
By Age
What to expect by age
Babies and young toddlers often hit, slap, or grab faces without understanding that it hurts. At this age, hitting is often experimental or happens during moments of excitement. Calmly catch their hand, say "Gentle hands" or "That hurts," and show them how to touch gently. Keep your response brief and neutral - a big reaction can make the behavior more interesting to repeat.
This is the peak age for hitting parents. Your toddler is experiencing frustration, anger, and disappointment but has almost no ability to regulate these emotions or express them with words. When your toddler hits, get down to their level, gently hold their hands if needed, and say "I won't let you hit. Hitting hurts." Then name their emotion: "You are really angry because I said no more crackers." Consistency is everything - the same calm response every single time.
As language grows, hitting should decrease. Your child may still lash out during intense moments, but they should be developing the ability to use words some of the time. Coach them on what to do instead: "When you feel angry, you can stomp your feet, squeeze your hands, or tell me 'I am mad!'" Praise every attempt to use words instead of hitting, even if the words are not perfectly calm.
Most children significantly reduce hitting parents by this age. If your child is still frequently and intensely hitting you, especially if the aggression is escalating, seems deliberate, and is not responding to consistent strategies, discuss it with your pediatrician. They can help evaluate whether additional support, such as behavioral therapy or assessment for underlying emotional difficulties, would be helpful.
What Should You Do?
When to take action
- Your toddler is between 12 and 36 months and hits mainly during tantrums or when told "no"
- Hitting is directed at the people your child feels safest with (usually parents) rather than peers or strangers
- Your child shows remorse afterward or can be redirected with consistent intervention
- Hitting is decreasing over time as language and emotional regulation improve
- The behavior is worse when your child is overtired, hungry, or overstimulated
- Hitting is frequent, intense, and not decreasing despite weeks of consistent calm responses and redirection
- Your child is over 3.5 and hitting is still a primary way they express emotions, with very little use of words
- Hitting is accompanied by other persistent aggressive behaviors that are escalating and happening across multiple settings
- Your child's aggression is causing injury, is escalating in severity, and you are struggling to keep everyone safe
- You find yourself losing control of your own responses to the hitting and need support - this is a sign of strength, not weakness, and your pediatrician can help connect you with resources
Sources
Related Resources
Related Behavior Concerns
My Toddler Is Aggressive Toward Pets
Toddlers being rough with pets is extremely common and almost never reflects true aggression or cruelty. Young children lack the motor control to be consistently gentle and do not yet understand that animals feel pain the way they do. With patient, consistent teaching about gentle touch and close supervision, most toddlers learn to interact safely with pets by age 3-4.
My Baby Doesn't Seem Attached to Anyone
By 7-9 months, most babies show clear preferences for their primary caregivers and some wariness of unfamiliar people. If your baby seems equally comfortable with everyone and shows no distress when separated from caregivers, it may simply reflect an easy-going temperament. However, if combined with other social differences, it can occasionally warrant further discussion with your pediatrician.
My Baby Arches Their Back
Back arching is very common in babies and usually a normal way of expressing frustration, discomfort, or just stretching and moving. Most babies arch their backs when upset, tired, or trying to see something. However, persistent arching with crying, especially during feeding, can be a sign of reflux or discomfort that should be discussed with your pediatrician.
My Baby Grinds Their Teeth
Teeth grinding (bruxism) is surprisingly common in babies and toddlers, affecting up to 30% of young children. Most children grind their teeth as they explore their new teeth or self-soothe, and the vast majority outgrow it completely by age 6 with no lasting damage to their teeth.
Baby Not Playing Independently
Needing a lot of parental interaction during play is completely normal for babies and young toddlers. Independent play is a skill that develops gradually, and expecting too much too soon can backfire. Most babies under 12 months genuinely need your presence to feel safe enough to explore. By 18-24 months, short stretches of independent play (5-15 minutes) begin to emerge, gradually lengthening through the toddler years. Your child is not spoiled or overly dependent - they are doing exactly what developing brains are designed to do.
My Baby Only Wants One Parent
Parent preference is one of the most common and emotionally painful behaviors in babies and toddlers. It is a completely normal part of attachment development and is not a reflection of who is the "better" parent. Babies and toddlers typically cycle through phases of preferring one parent, and the "rejected" parent's consistent, loving presence during these phases actually strengthens their bond over time.